Giving Tough Feedback, Lead with Love, Stay Curious.

By The Culture Architect

At some point in leadership, you’ll face a moment that makes your stomach tighten a little…A hard conversation.

Maybe someone on your team missed a key deadline. Maybe there’s a noticeable shift in attitude, or behaviours that just aren’t aligned with your team’s values. Whatever the trigger, tough feedback is unavoidable if you care about growth, yours, theirs, and the team’s.

But here’s the reframe:
Feedback isn’t punishment. It’s an act of care.

When delivered with intention, feedback becomes a powerful leadership tool, one that supports someone’s development, strengthens trust, and reconnects them to purpose.

Lead with Love

When we lead with love, we hold both the person and the standard. We’re not avoiding truth, we’re choosing to tell it with compassion.

Start here:

“I’m sharing this because I care about your success and our team’s wellbeing.”
This sets the tone. It’s not personal attack, it’s personal investment.

“Help me understand what’s going on for you.”
Curiosity before judgment opens the door to dialogue, not defensiveness.

“Here’s what I’m observing. Can we unpack it together?”
Share facts, not interpretations. Invite reflection, not resistance.

“What support would help you do this differently?”
You’re not just pointing out a gap, you’re partnering to close it.

“I value you, and that’s why I’m raising this.”
Reaffirm their worth. Feedback should never leave someone doubting that.

What to Avoid

Even with the best intentions, it’s easy to fall into common traps:

Blanket statements
“You always do this…”
Generalisations shut down conversation and trigger defensiveness.

Character attacks
“You’re lazy / unprofessional / difficult.”
Label the behaviour, not the person.

Venting without clarity
“This just isn’t working!”
If you can’t name the issue clearly, it can’t be addressed clearly.

One-way lectures
Feedback should feel like a bridge, not a wall. If you’re the only one talking, it’s not a conversation. Listen to hear not to respond, you will be surprised when you hold some quiet space what comes ups for them, Don’t talk just to fill the silence, get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Going in with judgment
Curiosity is a superpower. Use it.

Remember This

Feedback is less about being right and more about being real, in a way that protects the relationship and builds trust through truth.

So next time you're preparing for one of those crunchy conversations, pause and remind yourself….

Tough love, served warm, creates real change.

If you need more support, feel free to book in a complimentary consult call.